| Top |
 A
'top' gives the pain or sensation which a 'bottom'
wishes to receive, so for example in a spanking the 'top' will administer
the spanking and the 'bottom' will be spanked. The word can also be used
as a verb (as in 'topping' someone, meaning to give them pain or sensation).The
words 'top' and 'bottom' are often used interchangeably with 'dominant'
and 'submissive' but they are not really synonymous. In relations between
a dominant and a submissive there is always an exchange of power, where
the submissive agrees to submit to the will of the dominant. That same
surrender isn't required or implied in a session between a 'top' and a
'bottom'. Others sometimes equate the words to sadist (top) and masochist
(bottom). Admittedly the distinctions are blurry, because the same person
may be any or all of these things at different times.There are separate
notes on bottoms, dominants,
submissives,
power-exchange
, sadist, and
masochist too if
you're interested. |
| Topping
from the bottom |
 A
phrase used to describe a 'bottom' or a 'submissive' who tries to
control the BDSM play session while seeming to submit. People sometimes
want to adopt the role of submissive but can't quite bring themselves to
relinquish control to the necessary degree. It's very annoying and disliked
by most dominants, although a few are similarly unsure and quite like to
receive a bit of direction from their submissives. What you learn
as you go along is that nothing about human sexuality is ever completely
clear-cut, and that goes double for BDSM. Just think of the problems you're
going to have if you're a dominant masochist or a submissive sadist ! |
| Torture |
 The
act of inflicting severe pain on someone as a punishment, to force their
acquiescence, or for the torturers sadistic pleasure. Torture has a long
and ignoble history, involving both states and individuals. At times in
the past it has formed part of the official legal process and more recently
it has been widely used by armies and police forces as a clandestine instrument
of repression and control. You don't have to look hard to find recent examples
of torture being used by the army or police forces of most countries, including
sadly the USA and Great Britain. Some organisations, like Amnesty International,
do marvellous work in documenting and fighting against state-sponsored
torture and other violations of human rights. They're the really good guys.
As with much else in BDSM, what diffentiates torture in our context from
abuse elswhere is the willing consent of the 'victim'. In BDSM the word
torture is usually used to describe the more severe forms of erotic punishment,
although what constitutes 'severe' will vary considerably between individuals.
Actions which would be regarded as fiendishly inhumane by some may be experienced
as deeply pleasurable by others. It is therefore not possible to be too
dogmatic in describing erotic 'torture'. A hard spanking would probably
be too much for some people, while having red-hot needles in their genitalia
might not be enough for others. |
| Training
( conditioning, slave-training ) |
 A
process whereby the dominant will seek to modify the submissives behaviour,
responses or attitudes by systematic training. Whatever the purpose, this
requires a clear initial explanation of what is expected, persistence to
make sure you achieve your aims, and encouragement throughout the process
using either praise or punishment as necessary. Training can include behaviour
within structured role-play , for example where a submissive is taught
the role of a 'ponygirl' or 'puppy', or 'position training' where she is
required to adopt a particular position (eg kneeling) either at certain
times or in response to a command, or where the submissive is conditioned
to repond mentally or physically to verbal commands, or where the dominant
requires a particular form of address. Some forms of training go beyond
those which are simply to do with the rituals and pleasures of BDSM, and
seek to positively change aspects of the submissives life. For example
I've come across training to enhance confidence, improve health, lose weight,
or increase knowledge all being carried out within D/s relationships. |
| Transvestite
( cross-dresser, TV, tranny ) |
 Someone
who likes to dress in the clothes of the opposite sex. In western culture,
particularly in the last century, it has been reasonably acceptable for
a woman to dress in masculine clothes, but somehow oddly shameful
or funny for a man to dress as a woman. It was, in fact, only as
recently as 1995 that some forms of transvestism were removed from
the list of mental illnesses in the USA. Popular culture is full of cross-dressing
men being treated as figures of fun, for example Corporal Klinger in MASH,
Jack Lemmon and Tony Curtis in 'Some Like it Hot', Dustin Hoffman in 'tootsie',
the list is endless. Male transvestites differ from transsexuals in that
they desire to dress and occasionally act as women, but do not consider
themselves women or even want to be. Transvestites do not seek sexual reassignment
surgery and most are heterosexual, quite often married. For some men, transvestism
is a way of escaping temporarily the pressures and expectations that exist
for the male and of course it can also be a sexual fetish. Support
groups exist in most major cities in the USA. for men who want to dress
as women but feel unsafe in doing so publicly or seek like-minded company.
"Crossdresser" is generally the preferred term of those who participate
in this behavior. |
| Transsexual |
 This
is more than just a fetish or a desire to dress up in the clothes of the
opposite sex. This is a fundamental feeling that you've been 'born into
the wrong body'. The term 'transsexual' first came into general use in
America around 1953, shortly after media coverage brought to the attention
of the public the case of Christine Jorgensen who was the first American
to have sexual reassignment surgery. A transsexual is a person born with
the physical characteristics of one sex, who emotionally and psychologically
feels they belong to the other sex. Some are able to live their lives in
the condition they were born, but others feel so uncomfortable that they
seek to change their sex through medical intervention. For male-to-female
transsexuals, treatment usually involves amputation of testicles and most
of the penis, inversion of the penis skin into a vagina, and optional breast
implants, tracheal shaves, and labiaplasty. For female-to-male transsexuals,
it involves mastectomy, hysterectomy, and optional attempts at creating
a penis and scrotum. Preparatory and follow-up hormonal treatment is usually
given. A pre-operative transsexual has not yet undergone surgery, a post-operative
transsexual has received surgery, and a non-operative transsexual is unable
to have surgery. Living and working full-time in the desired gender, rather
than the gender assigned at birth, is called 'cross-living' and is often
a transition time prior to surgery. In times gone by, people with 'gender-confusion'
were regarded much less sympathetically. Joan of Arc for example, the farmgirl
who dressed as a man and led the French army against the British, was eventually
burned at the stake, which seems a slightly harsh fate just for wearing
pants. |
