| Necrophilia |
 Sexual
intercourse with, or attraction towards, corpses. Although this has nothing
whatsoever to do with BDSM, its an interesting (if ghoulish) offshoot of
sexuality so I'll give it a brief mention here and forgo any bad jokes
such as the one about the necrophile sadist, also into bestiality, whose
diverse kinks caused him so many problems in getting an erection that he
said it was like flogging a dead horse ! Anyway, according to researchers
Dr. Jonathan Rosman and Dr. Phillip Resnick, there are three basic types
of "true" necrophilia: Necrophilic homicide ( which is murder to obtain
a corpse) , regular necrophilia (the use of corpses already dead for sexual
pleasure) and necrophilic fantasy ( imagining the acts but not acting on
them). In their study of 122 cases, more people fell into the second
category than the other two. More than half of them worked in a morgue
or some other aspect of the funeral industry. Necrophiles are primarily
male (about 90%), but one female apprentice embalmer claimed that during
the first four months of her employment, she had sex with a number of corpses.
She admitted that she could not achieve satisfaction with the living, in
part because she had been molested once and later raped. She could
express herself to corpses without fear. While she did not engage
in penile penetration, another female mortician did, and she managed it
by devising a pump to fit under the skin of the penis. Contrary to common
belief, say Rosman and Resnick, most necrophiles are heterosexual, although
about half of the known necrophiles who have killed were gay. In
only about 60% is there a diagnosed personality disorder, with 10% being
psychotic. The most common occupations through which necrophiles
in their study came across corpses include hospital orderly, morgue attendant,
funeral parlor assistant, cleric, cemetery employee, and soldier. Most
corpse violations occur just prior to burial, but there have been cases
where the corpse is disinterred from a cemetery plot. In 1985, a
15-year-old girl was buried in Italy after she died from a head injury.
Two days later, her grave was discovered open and she was lying on top
of her coffin, her white dress lifted up over her hips. A necropsy
procedure indicated that she had been anally penetrated, and two shovels
left at the gravesite indicated that more than one person was involved.
Among the first researchers to describe cases of necrophilia was Richard
von Krafft-Ebing, a German neurologist who published Psychopathia Sexualis
in 1886. He lists many cases of people who indulged in erotic acts
in the presence of a corpse. |
| Negotiation |
 Negotiation
is the art of reaching a clear agreement with your partner about the sort
of play-session or relationship you want and the things you will do together.
Some consider it to be one of the most important BDSM skills. This note
is mainly about the negotiation necessary before a short-term BDSM 'scene'
between people who don't necessarily know each other well, but the same
general principles apply when you are considering a longer-term master/slave
relationship. The first thing to realise is that negotiation is always
a two-way street, and both dominant and submissive must take responsibility
for its success. A good negotiation will ensure that each person has a
clear understanding of the others limits and expectations, and it will
take as long as it takes. Experienced couples might negotiate a 'scene'
in minutes, while others may take longer. You will discuss the nature,
duration and limits of a particular period of BDSM play. Negotiation is
something you should do before you play, and not as you go along when your
judgement might be clouded. If you find halfway through that you've forgotten
to agree upon something you want to do, then leave it for another time.
Things to think about as you negotiate include the respective roles
you will play, how long the scene will last, what kind of play is and isn't
acceptable, what each persons limits are, whether
they wish any of those limits to be pushed (and if so to what extent),
what safewords and safe-signals
will be used, what kind of sex (if any) is acceptable and how it will be
made safe, whether marks might be a problem afterwards, and what safeguards
are in place in case something goes wrong. I know that all sounds excessively
formal and likely to take the joy out of any situation, but it doesn't
have to be conducted like a hostile board meeting. Just a little time spent
in a warm, friendly chat exchanging information like this beforehand can
be great fun and can prevent your scene going badly wrong, so its well
worth the effort. Its also true that, whatever is negotiated, people can
change their minds while the session is in progress and that has to be
accepted with good grace too. |
| Nipple
Clamps (also Nipple Play, Nipple Torture) |
 Nipples
are an intensely sensitive and erogenous part of the female anatomy, so
of course they're a prime target for a little teasing and torment. People
vary enormously in their ability to deal with nipple clamps, and even the
same person can change from day-to-day depending on how they feel. Some
find them the last word in erotic stimulation while to others they're just
a pointless and painful 'Ouch!'. Nipple clamps can be purpose made (like
the ones in the picture) or improvised from everyday things like clothes-pins.
Unless you've played with a submissive before and know her tolerance for
such things, its best to go slowly. Explain what you intend to do, and
reassure her that if it hurts too much you will remove them straight away.
Pinch her nipples with your fingers first and watch her reaction. If she
doesn't hit the floor running, stroke her nipples until they are erect
and gently attach one of the nipple clamps. Don't attach it to the very
tip of the nipple, which is extremely painful, but place it lower down
and nearer the skin. If that goes well, attach the other one. If its her
first time then probably just a few minutes is enough, certainly no longer
than 15 minutes. Its a good idea to stroke her intimately while the clamps
are on as a reward and to encourage an association of pleasure with the
sensation of the clamped nipples. When its time to take them off unclamp
them slowly, one at a time. If its a success you can experiment with longer
periods another time. See the note on the general subject of clamps
too. |
| Nonconsensual |
 Anything
for which there is no consent or agreement. The mantra of BDSM'ers everywhere
these days is 'Safe, Sane, and Consensual'. You sometimes
hear that phrase repeated so much that it makes you wonder if you're listening
to a parrot, but you have to admit through gritted teeth that it represents
good sense. Many of the 'kinky' activities that we enjoy carry an element
of risk, which we are able to control by engaging in play with persons
who we trust to keep us safe and who we believe will not disregard our
wishes. To genuinely force activities upon a person against their wishes
is dangerous, both emotionally and physically. Whatever we may fantasise,
the reality of nonconsensual action is that it is abuse and not BDSM.
See the notes about abuse, also forced
sex and rape too if you're interested in these
subjects |
| Nostril
Strap |
 |
A
device most commonly favoured in Japanese BDSM, the nostril strap is a
particularly fiendish piece of equipment made usually of bent wire with
a string attached. The wire ends hook into the nostrils producing eye-watering
pain if the string is pulled. An excellent device for control, punishment
and humiliation but you need to be gentle because its relatively easy to
tear the sensitive lining of the nose if the wire is sharp. |
 |
|
| Novice |
| Someone
new to BDSM who lacks experience |
