| Marking |
 If
you whip, cane or otherwise strike someone else's body then there's a pretty
fair chance that at some point you will make marks. This may or may not
be a bad thing. If you leave a submissive with strange and unwanted marks
which may subsequently cause her embarrassment then thats not very clever
and she won't thank you for it. On the other hand, there are submissives
for whom weals and bruises caused by corporal punishment are seen as a
badge of pride. You need to find out when you're negotiating
a scene with a submissive how she feels about marks, and you then
need to be skillful enough not to make them if they're not wanted. As well
as being skilled with the whip (or other chosen implement) you also need
to know how the submissives skin will react to a beating. Some people have
very delicate skin that bruises easily, while others can take a hard beating
and hardly show it. Ask her and, until you see for yourself to the contrary,
assume that she marks easily. Different implements will leave different
marks. A rattan cane, for example, will leave a kind of 'double-track'
with a bruise in the middle. A leather whip with a single strand will leave
a single red line. Floggers with multiple thongs will leave a spread patttern
of red lines. Any of these can break the skin if used too hard. Its also
worth remembering that it can sometimes take a while for deep bruises to
appear, and marks that weren't visible at the time you were playing can
often appear later that night or the next day when the submissive showers
or bathes. |
| Masochism
(masochist) |
 |
The
tendancy to derive pleasure, especially sexual pleasure, from one's own
pain or humiliation, named after Leopold von Sacher-Masoch (1839-95) the
Austrian writer who described it so well in his novels. “Venus in Furs”
is probably his best known work, a romantic tale which has at its heart
a sado/masochistic relationship. This novel was part of an epic series
he envisioned called “The Heritage of Cain,” which was to have had six
parts, each made up of several stories: |
 |
The six
parts were to be Love, Property, The State, War, Work, and Death. “Venus
in Furs” was part of Love, which contained five additional stories and
was first published in 1870.The novel drew heavily on Sacher-Masoch’s own
life. The real-life model for the book's main female character, Wanda,
was a woman named Fanny Pistor. This lady first contacted Sacher-Masoch,
then emerging as a new literary talent, for suggestions on her own chances
for publication but an intense relationship quickly followed.On December
8, 1869 Leopold and Fanny signed a contract making Leopold von Sacher-Masoch
the slave of Fanny Pistor for a period of six months, with the stipulation,
doubtlessly at Sacher-Masoch’s suggestion, that the Baroness wear furs
as often as possible, especially when she was in a 'cruel' mood. Sacher-Masoch
was given the alias of “Gregor,” and disguised as the servant of Fanny.
The two traveled by train to Italy, living their mistress/slave roles.
As with the character in his novel, Sacher-Masoch traveled in the third
class compartment while his 'mistress' had a seat in first class, arriving
in Venice (Florence, in the novel), where they were not known and would
not arouse suspicion. 'Venus in Furs' takes threads from Sacher-Masoch's
own life and weaves them into a dark sexual myth. He was a romantic, a
poet of the perverse, and not really understood either in his own time
or since. |
| Master |
 The
Oxford English Dictionary describes a 'master' as 'a person who has dominance
over others' or 'a skilled practitioner of a particular art'. Those two
concepts, dominance and skill, are brought together in the use of the word
'Master' in a BDSM context. The title may sometimes be used within a D/s
relationship as a loving tribute by a submissive to the skill of her partner
or it may define a relationship in which the submissive sees herself as
a 'slave' who is owned by her 'master'. Essentially
though the word describes how someone else regards you, not how you regard
yourself. Given the number of times you see men in personal ads or elsewhere
describing themselves as 'real' masters or 'true' masters (whatever that
means) it might just be worth pointing out gently here that the title 'master'
is not one which a man ever can, or should, give himself. It is always
a title given by others, out of love or respect. When used innapropriately
for self-promotion it only serves to suggest inexperience and lack of understanding,
which isn't something you want to do. |
| Menthol
Play |
| When
applied to sensitive areas, menthol products can produce intense stimulation
but they need to be treated with care because they can also cause intense
discomfort. With that warning in mind, you can try using cough drops or
toothpaste containing menthol to spice up fellatio (cock-sucking) or cunnilingus
(pussy-licking). Arthritis creams and sprays (e.g. Ben Gay) which contain
menthol can also be used to make male masturbation more intense, but are
generally much too strong to be tolerated on the sensitive internal mucous
membrane of the anus or vagina. Tiny amounts of menthol can be applied
to the clitoris to intensify female orgasm, but the operative word here
is 'tiny'. The thing to remember about menthol play is that it takes about
5 minutes for the full effects of a 'dose' to be felt, but the sensation
can then persist for another 20 minutes or so. It is therefore essential
to start off very slowly indeed with very small amounts until you see what
the effect is on a particular individual. Its always easy enough to add
more, but very difficult to remove too much. Skin that has been abraded
(eg after a whipping) will be much more sensitive and consequently less
able to tolerate menthol. If you make a mistake and use too much then liberal
amounts of soap and water applied quickly will wash it off, followed if
its still burning by lashings of cold cream. Used with care, menthol, play
can add a whole range of new and intense sensations to your play. |
| Mind
Bondage |
| A
kind of bondage in which the submissive is restrained simply by the dominant
describing to her how she is tied up. No 'real' bondage is involved. In
a D/s relationship where the submissive has been properly trained to obey,
this kind of invisible restaint can be every bit as immobilising as 30-feet
of strong rope and a bunch of handcuffs. |
| Mind
Play |
 Good
or bad, depending on the circumstances and motive, Mind Play is also known
as mind games, head games, head trips, or mind-fucking.
In their benign BDSM sense, these terms all mean psychological manipulation
by the dominant intended to intensify the erotic or emotional response
of the submissive through heightened anticipation and fear. They may include
'verbal abuse', deliberately misleading a partner
into believing something horrible or emotionally intense is about to happen,
or complex scenarios that confuse or surprise the submissive by playing
with deep fears or desires. The same terminology and techniques, particularly
the expression 'mind-fuck', are also used to describe circumstances where
unscrupulous people play selfish and harmful psychological games with
others simply for their own gratification. |
| Mistress |
| A
female dominant |
| Mommy |
| A
dominant, usually but not always female, who adopts a maternal role when
relating to a submissive. |
| Mummification |
| A
very tight and constricting kind of bondage in which the person is completely
(or nearly so) wrapped in restrictive material such as bandages, cling-film,
rubber or a special bag designed for this purpose. |
| Munch |
 Another
of those terms, like BDSM itself, that seem to have originated on
the internet. Many BDSM clubs and organisations run regular meetings in
safe, social settings such as a group lunch or brunch at a public restaurant,
where kinky people can make new acquaintances or socialize with old friends
in a low-key, pressure-free "vanilla" setting. Don't be afraid that you'll
be forced into anything you don't want to do or that you will be embarrassed
by a relative lack of experience. Generally these events are designed to
be as friendly and non-threatening as possible. Its a safe way to get to
know people and 'dip your toe in the water'. |
