| Latex |
 Latex
is clinging, shiny, and its the subject of a significant fetish with many
devotees. Some people love the look of it and some go crazy about the way
it feels. Latex play-wear may fuel many fantasies, but is not without its
problems for sex-games. The fabric itself isn't terrifically robust and
getting it on and off can be a bit fiddly. Although it doesn't absorb water-based
fluids, oils will damage it and prolonged exposure to sunlight can cause
it to break down. It helps to apply lots of talc to yourself and to the
insides of your latex garment when you're putting it on. Try not to pull
the latex too hard, particularly if you have long fingernails, or it'll
rip. Sharp toenails can also make a mess of latex stockings. After removing
latex clothes, you need to wash them with water to remove any oils you
may have used, then dry them (and ideally powder them) for storage. You
can also get 'wetlook' PVC clothes which are similarly shiny and
stretchy. PVC is a kind of plastic-coated fabric which is washable as well
as fairly inexpensive. See also the note on Fetish |
| Leather |
 Leather
is one of the most basic and widely-known fetishes in the BDSM scene. Leather
skirts, leather chaps, leather harnesses, leather cuffs, leather paddles,
the list is endless. Whole herds of innocent cows willingly lay down their
lives to support this kink. Clothes and implements made of leather have
a sensuous feel and restraints made out of leather cling to you like a
second skin. Black leather, once associated in the public imagination
only with 'bad-ass bikers' and S/M, has now crossed so far over into high-street
fashion that sometimes in your local pub its hard to decide who has a whip
tucked away in their back pocket and who is just a fashion-victim.
As anyone who rides a motorbike will tell you, leather clothes absorb water
so its best not to get them too wet. You can use saddle soap and a little
water for cleaning, and neats-foot oil or any good proprietry leather-food
to keep the skin supple and in good condition. See also the note on Fetish |
| Lifestyle
(lifestyler) |
 A
term used to describe a person who lives a lifestyle which supports their
BDSM inclinations. Sometimes a person who just hangs out a lot at BDSM
clubs or parties will call himself a 'lifestyler'. Others only consider
themselves truly 'lifestylers' if they 'stay in role' as dominant or submissive,
master or slave, not just for the duration of a night out at a club but
full-time, 24-hours a day, seven days a week (or 24/7 as its often called
). Living in a full-time D/s relationship isn't either easy or even appropriate
for everyone though. Because the roles within it are often so rigidly defined
there is always a risk that such a relationship will be unable to change
and grow. It could also involve a visibly public commitment to D/s which
many would have a problem coming to terms with. However lifestyle devotees
say that it can represent the ultimate way to explore your dominant or
submissive persona at maximum intensity. Just a quick word about tolerence.
In my experience, mature and intelligent practitioners of BDSM are generally
characterised by their tolerance of others choices. Wanabees, on the other
hand, tend to be a lot more judgemental in suggesting that 'lifestyle'
BDSM is in some way more 'real' or 'better' than any other kind of arrangement.
Thats obvious nonsense. The same kind of people will also frequently sound
off on the subject of 'real' D/s being superior to the 'virtual' kind and
throw in a couple of boasts about how 'deep' and 'heavy' their s/m is or
what 'experts' they are. Total twaddle ! (and that just my polite way of
saying Bullshit ! ) BDSM is never a competition and its certainly not capable
of being defined in a hierarchy where value-judgements are made about how
'real' or 'heavy' it is. What is right for one person isn't necessarily
right for another. We all have to find our own path and each path has its
own integrity and validity. See also the notes on Virtual
D/s and Cybersex . |
| Limits
(boundaries) |
 Limits
are the boundaries of BDSM activities that we are unwilling to cross, things
we don't want to do and places we don't want to go. For example,
a submissive may be willing to accept a severe punishment in private
but be unable to tolerate a public humiliation. Another may be game for
absolutely anything except play that involves 'rape' fantasies. Some limits
are a physical necessity (for example someone with a bad allergic reaction
to latex will need to avoid that material) while with others the submissive
may want to be pushed a little bit.People have limits in relation to the
amount of pain they can stand, the risks they are prepared to take, and
the emotions they are prepared to expose and explore. Although it is often
overlooked, doms have limits as well as subs. Testing and pushing our limits
can be exciting and emotionally rewarding, but it needs to be done with
care and respect. Known limits must never be intentionally ignored by either
party. BDSM can be a risky business for both body and mind. It requires
understanding, agreement, and trust. If you wilfully exceed an agreed limit,
then the person whose trust you have abused is unlikely to trust you again.
For any dom, the key to success is always communication. What you
don't want is some lovingly crafted scene going horribly pear-shaped and
having to be aborted because you haven't taken the trouble to find out
your submissives limits. Before any 'scene' involving
BDSM play is started, a dom needs to enquire about the submissives limits
and it is her responsibility to tell him honestly what they are.
Whatever is agreed, a safe-word is highly adviseable
so that if the submissive feels uncomfortable things can be slowed down
or even stopped. Throughout the scene the dom should 'check-in' regularly
with the submissive to see how she is feeling. There is a minority view
that, for a dom to accept a submissives limits and accord her the use of
a 'safeword' is incompatible with 'true' submission. The argument goes
that a submissive has not surrendered completely for as long as she has
the power to effectively 'veto' any action she wants. while the nature
of 'true' submission certainly makes for a very interesting philosophical
debate, I'm afraid thats beyond the scope of this guide. In purely
practical terms we all have limits of one kind or another that need to
be dealt with in some way, whether this process is made explicit or not.
You might also be interested in the related notes on negotiation
and safewords |
| Live-in
Slave |
| A
lifestyle submissive who lives with, and serves, a master or mistress on
a full-time basis. |
