| Handcuffs |
 Unless
you're dating a policeman, you're going to have to buy your own. If you
do, make sure you get a good quality pair (e.g Smith + Wesson) with a double
lock which snap on and then lock in position so they won't tighten
under pressure (as cheap cuffs will). For heavans sake don't lose
the key. That may sound ridiculous but it does happen with laughable frequency
and the last thing you want is to have the lads from the local fire-brigade
doing a circle-smirk as they apply the bolt-cutters. Steel cuffs tend to
have squared edges which can dig into the skin as the 'prisoner' struggles.
They can also easily pinch nerves and cause chafing. Proper padded, buckled,
bondage cuffs are much better for erotic games (see also cuffs
and bondage ) |
| Head
Games |
| Domination and submission
are about more than a good spanking or a quick splash of hot wax on your
dangly bits. Like an iceberg, much of what is happening is not visible.
Indeed, in some circumstances, or with some people, the primary focus of
a D/s relationship or session may be mental domination rather than anything
physical. In their benign BDSM sense, 'head
games' can involve psychological manipulation by the dominant intended
to intensify the erotic or emotional response of the submissive through
heightened anticipation and fear. See the note on Humiliation below
and also the fuller note on
Mind Play |
| Hood
(Hooding) |
 |
There
are all kinds of hoods which cover the head, made from a variety of materials
such as leather, cotton, latex, or rubber depending on your tastes.
They are used by genuine torturers to degrade, de-personalise and disorient
their victims. Used more benignly in BDSM, hoods provide an anonymity for
dominant or submissive which can be quite liberating. You can become the
nameless, faceless person behind the mask. They also can be scary and intimidating
props in role-play. Hoods may be used to control or restrict sight, sound,
speech and breathing. By eliminating or reducing these normal sensory stimuli,
they create a more intense focus on other physical sensations. |
 |
|
| Humiliation |
 Making
someone feel ashamed or foolish by injuring their dignity and self-respect,
especially publically. It sounds like a terrible thing to do but there
are those who enjoy it in certain kinds of role-play or relationships.
Mental domination exercised through humiliation or praise can be positive
if it offers the person receiving it feelings of security, self-worth,
or enhances sexuality (for example in the case of a slave being willingly
trained to please her master). It can also be destructive, where an unscrupulous
dominant finds the weaknesses and insecurities of a submissive and then
uses them to 'break' her for his own purposes and without regard for her
well-being. Often it can be hard to fully understand the dynamics
of a relationship from the outside. The best rule of thumb is that if it
leaves you feeling good about yourself, its probably OK, but if it leaves
you feeling bad then something is wrong. Genuine attacks on a persons self-respect
or sexuality that are designed simply to break their spirit are not confined
to D/s and are abuse wherever they occur. It is no more acceptable for
a woman to be abusive than it is for a man. See also the note about Abuse |
