| Fetish |
 Any
sexual fixation upon an activity or object which often (but certainly not
always) has its roots in some powerful experience or image from childhood.
For example, a surprising number of adult men have a fetish that involves
having their partners dress up as 'schoolgirls' or 'cheerleaders' for a
spanking or for sex. This isn't really as strange as it sounds because
males reach a sexual peak in their teens, with hormones going crazy and
a raging preoccupation with sex, at a time when they are surrounded every
day by nubile females of their own age dressed in school uniforms. Its
therefore hardly surprising that a strong mental connection is made which
can persist into later life. As always though, its fantasy between consenting
adults we're talking about here. If you start hanging around outside your
local high-school in a grubby raincoat offering candy to the local lolitas
you'll get yourself locked up. Other fetishes involve feet, corsets,
shoes, rubber, latex, used panties, small furrry animals, and other things
too weird to even contemplate. It seems like there's no object so humble
or activity so mundane that it doesn't have its dedicated band of devotees.
Unless its your own fetish, the best you can hope for is to understand
whats going on at an intellectual level but you can never feel the direct
and urgent pull that the fetishist undoubtedly does. A true fetish is a
need rather than a choice. |
| Fire
and Ice |
| The
use of heat and cold in BDSM play, often candle wax for heat (the fire)
and ice cubes (the ice) applied to the bare skin, especially the nipples
or genital area. Ice cubes are readily available and pretty safe to use.
Either can 'burn' you so be careful. See also Candles
for a note about the safe use of hot candle wax. |
| Fisting |
 The
insertion of the whole hand into either the anus (anal fisting) or the
vagina (vaginal fisting). Done properly, there is nothing violent about
fisting. It is a very slow, gentle procedure. If you feel the urge to try,
have a look at the notes on Anal Sex or Anal Play.
Just to reiterate a few of those basics :- the anus is made up of two rings
of muscle, called the external and internal sphincters. The external sphincter
is under your voluntary control and you can relax it at will but your internal
sphincter is not under voluntary control so if you become tense it will
tighten and trying to force anything into it will hurt. Take your time,
relax, and talk to your partner about what you're going to do. Lubrication
is also very important, paricularly for your anus which doesn't self-lubricate.
Use a water-soluble lubricant such as KY Jelly and don't be stingy with
it; the more lube you use, the more comfortable you will be. If you feel
pain in your ass then stop because you run the risk of damaging the anal
lining, which can lead to serious infections. Lots of women (and men) fantasise
about anal rape, being taken forcibly from behind, but anal sex and force
do not mix well. Take it easy. If you find yourself bleeding from the anal
area, go see a doctor right away and don't be embarrassed. Better to be
safe than sorry. . |
| Flogger
(Flogging) |
| This
is a multi-thonged whip, often made out of soft leather, which can either
provide a light stinging punishment or something much more intense. Soft
floggers make a delightful toy and can be made of deerskin, elk, suede,
or other pliable leathers. In using a flogger, you aim to strike with the
tips of each thong. See also Cat o' Nine Tails. |
| Flying |
| An
almost transcendenal state of bliss reported by some submissives during
BDSM. For an explanation, see the notes on the often-reported 'Endorphin-High'
(which incidentally isn't the school belle used to go ) |
| Foot
Fetish |
 A
fairly common fetish, in which the foot (or shoes) is the trigger for
sexual desire. There are whole websites devoted to this particular fetish,
and generally it sems to be the male of the species obsessing over shiny
high-heels or cute toes rather than females lusting after a chap in a
sexy Timberland boot or the subtle and fragrant aroma produced by a size
12 athletic sock . Most of us would run a mile wearing a gas-mask to avoid
being subjected to foot odour, but to some its like the perfume of the
gods. |
| Forced
Sex |
 Its
surprising how many women (and men for that matter) have fantasies about
being made helpless and 'taken' sexually by a powerful and dominant figure.
We're talking here about consensual fantasy role-play, where the dom pretends
to force a sexual activity upon the submissive. It might involve forced
oral sex or the acting out of a 'rape' scene. Because of the potential
pitfalls in this area, good communication, understanding expectations/limits,
and setting safewords before you start is not just advisable, it's essential.
With some people role-playing forced sex is just an edgey way of getting-off,
but with others it can plug straight into deep-seated psychological problems.
For example, if someone has actually been raped in the past, then role-playing
a rape scene with them is likely to be about more than just sex. Remember
too that its not only the 'victim' who needs to be protected. You may believe
its just a game but if the 'victim' starts hollering 'rape' for real the
fun will dimish alarmingly fast from that point. See the note on Rape
too . |
| French
(French-Kissing) |
 God
knows how it got this name because who'd want to kiss the french (all
that stinky garlic and Gauloises cigarettes) ? English kissing maybe,
because we're relatively sanitary. Even American kissing because the yanks
chew enough juicy fruit gum to stave off the worse excesses of dragon-breath.
But French Kissing ? Beats me ! Still, the name has stuck, and refers
to any kissing that involves open mouths, tongues, and swapping spit.
Also, occasionally used as a 'code-word' for cunnilingis (licking pussies)
and fellatio (sucking cocks). Its truly amazing how people luuurv their
code words. |
