| Dental
Dam |
 No,
its nothing like the picture ! A dental dam is most commonly just a latex
barrier used for cunnilingus (pussy-licking) or anilingus (ass-licking)
to prevent the transmission of disease. If you don't always carry a dental
dam around with you (and who but the most optimistic amongst us would)
then you can improvise with most kinds of thin plastic food-wrapping or
any thin rubber material. While this isn't specifically to do with BDSM,
its still a sensible precaution that can save your life in these days of
AIDS and the huge increase of other sexually transmitted diseases. See
also
safe-sex |
| Deviant,
Deviance |
 Someone
who diverges from the accepted standards, usually of sexual morality, is
called a 'deviant'. Rules and laws about sexuality are the way that people
have been controlled through history by church and state. Ideas of deviance
change like the wind over time. Homosexuals used to be called 'deviants'
and persecuted by most societies but they're not now. Fifty years ago you
would be prosecuted for making a film with the word 'fuck' in but
today you can hardly find one without it. Those with a leaning towards
BDSM have always kept pretty quiet about it so as not to draw attention
to themselves and that hasn't changed much. Even the most cursory examination
of social history demonstrates the total absurdity of attempts to legislate
for or regulate human sexuality and also what utter nonsense the current
view of 'morality' has usually been through any and every age.
We never seem to learn. What was anathema to the victorians is perfectly
acceptable today. What gets people hot under the collar this week will
look absurd in a hundred years time. People have always had an almost infinite
capacity for making themselves and others miserable over sexuality. Don't
fall into that trap! Whatever your particular kink is , if its between
consenting adults then go for it. By all means have a chuckle at the expense
of the self-appointed morality police, but never take them seriously. What
have they ever known ? |
| Discipline |
 In
this context it means training your submissive to obey rules or a code
of behaviour, using punishment to correct disobedience. The right of a
Dominant to discipline his submissive is a fundamental and accepted part
of many D/s relationships. The discipline may be physical (for example
a spanking or caning) or it could involve withdrawal of 'privileges' or
possibly being set unpleasant tasks. Whatever form it takes, discipline
should be administered in a firm but loving way and it should never
involve or imply the loss of the dominants love, affection or commitment
because that is always likely to have a negative effect upon the submissive.
'Discipline' was one of the 'D' words subsumed into the umbrella term of
BDSM |
| Dominance,
Dominant, Dom, Domme, Dominatrix |
 Dominance
is the exercise of power or influence over others. It can simply be role-play,
where one partner is consensually empowered to 'dominate' while the other
adopts the part of the submissive for the limited purpose of sexual games.
It can however be deeper than that. Some people are by nature dominant,
needing to be in control in any situation, while others are more naturally
submissive, being willing to surrender control. Most people are a bit of
both at various times, depending on their mood and the requirements
of work or society. However in some cases the underlying need to dominate
or submit is unusually pronounced, and often such people are drawn to BDSM
where the power-exchange
of Domination and submission
forms the basis of relationships in a way that is more explicit and
overt than anywhere else in 'normal' life or relationships. Although the
words 'Dominant' and its contraction, 'Dom' can refer to either gender
they are most commonly reserved for men while a female dominant would be
called a 'Domme', 'Domina', or 'Dominatrix'. A person who enjoys playing
both roles is called a 'switch' |
| D/s
- Domination and submission |
 The
abbreviation for domination and submission is often spelled like this,
with a capital (dominant) 'D' and a lower case (submissive)
's'. You will commonly find the same convention used in BDSM internet
chat-rooms, where the Doms nick-names will start with an upper case letter
and the submissives will use the lower case. In those circumstances it
does no particular harm and its just a handy way of knowing peoples preferences.
A 'D/s' relationship is one where each partner has a recognised role, one
being dominant while the other is submissive. This structured relationship
can apply either just in their sex-life or more pervasively to their daily
life-style. There's quite a bit more information in the notes on dominant
(above), lifestylers,
submissive,
slave,
and master. |
