| Candles |
 |
Playing
with hot wax can be exciting, but painful if you don't do it right. Start
off by using plain white paraffin candles because the colouring and dyes
in some candles can raise the melting point of the candle-wax to a point
where it becomes uncomfortably hot. Avoid beeswax candles, which also have
a high melting point and can burn skin. Generally soft candles have a lower
melting point and are safer. Fire
and Ice is the use of hot candle-wax alternated with ice cubes. |
 |
|
| Cane |
 Traditionally
associated most with the English schoolroom, the swishy cane is the stuff
of school-day fantasies the world over when naughty boys or girls are made
to 'bend over' for 'six of the best'. Canes come in a variety of lengths
and thicknesses and are traditionally made of rattan, although more recently
man-made materials like fibreglass have become available. Depending upon
how the cane is applied it can simply sting or it can raise severe welts.
Usually applied to the bottom but occassionally ( in school-room role-play)
to the palms of the hands. Generally bottoms and submissives are sharply
divided over canes, either loving or hating them. This isn't surprising
because canes can hurt a lot. The pain tends to come in two waves, first
when the cane strikes and then again slightly later as the indented tissue
decompresses, which is why an experienced and sadistic caner will take
his time and allow a delay between strokes so that the 'lucky' recipient
receives the full benefit of each stroke. If you're doing the caning, practice
first. It may sound silly, but have a few swishes at a cushion to get the
feel of using the cane. Take a couple of strokes yourself so you know what
it feels like. When caning, always strike well-padded fatty tissue, not
where bones are close to the surface. Never hit the spine or tail-bone,
because you can do serious damage there. The same general precautions apply
to
'spanking'
with other hard implements. |
| Cat
'o' nine tails |
Catharsis |
 Originally
used by the British Navy to flog uppity sailors, this was a leather whip
with nine thongs which were sometimes weighted with lead to produce a devastating
punishment that could strip the skin off right down to the bone. The torn
backs of the whipped sailors who survived the punishment (and some didn't)
were then rubbed with salt or bathed with sea-water, partially to increase
the pain but also to disinfect the wounds. Not nice at all and one reason
why they had to use press-gangs to kidnap young men to serve in the navy.
Nowadays the cat 'o' nine tails is often a term used to refer to any multi-thonged
whip. |
 The
purging of emotions or tension. People may bring to BDSM sessions issues
of self-esteem and past psychological trauma. The intense emotional charge
generated by some BDSM encounters can be the catalyst which brings these
issues to the surface. This can be either good or bad, depending on how
its dealt with. Certainly at a simple level it can sometimes be therapeutic.
I've often heard 'bottoms'
say that when they get really wound-up and cranky, theres nothing
works like a good hard
spanking
to purge the stress and re-focuss the mind. While I can't see your
doctor prescribing one for you, it may well be a whole lot more fun than
prozac. |
|
| Clamps
and clamping |
 Mechanical
devices that make you go 'Ouch', clamps come in various shapes and sizes
but they are all designed to cause pain through pinching or squeezing.
They can include nipple
clamps, crocodile clips or even the humble clothes-pin and are applied
to erogenous areas such as nipples, cocks, balls or the vulva. Weights
are sometimes added to increase the intensity of the pain. The pain caused
by, for example, a stroke with the cane is transitory but something like
a clamp applied to sensitive flesh causes consistent discomfort so keep
checking how the person wearing it is feeling and don't forget its there.
They certainly won't ! Clamps hurt most when they're removed and the longer
they've been on the more they hurt. Its also possible, if you're looking
for a seriously intense jolt of pain, to attach several smooth clamps
together to a chain or cord (the technique is sometimes called a 'zipper')
so that they all can be pulled off simultaneously. Ouch !! |
| Cock
and Ball Torture (CBT) |
 Often
applied (consensually) by a Dominatrix or sometimes even self-inflicted,
the variety of torture that can be inflicted upon these ultra-sensitive
areas boggles the imagination. Commonly used are clamps, clips, tight bindings
of various sorts, whips, crops, electrodes, and hard-core addicts have
even been known to hammer nails through their unfortunate appendages. The
golden rule, as with so many things in BDSM, is to take it easy. Go slowly
until you know how much you can take. If the pain from a particular activity
starts to spread into other areas of the body, or if the pain lasts for
a long time after the stimulation ends, you have probably gone beyond your
limits. If the pain persists for any length of time after the activity
has stopped you may need to see a doctor. Definitely avoid any harsh wrenches
or twisting of the genitals because there are ligaments and blood vessels
that can be damaged. Above all remember that if you're entrusting
the family jewels to the tender mercies of someone else, you need to make
damn sure they know what they're doing or you could end up with some very
nasty injuries. See also pussy
torture for some tips on tormenting her pretty pink parts. |
| Cock-Rings |
 Cockrings
are, as the name suggests, rings that go around your cock. Usually they
go around the base of it, behind the balls. The penis becomes erect when
the blood vessels at its base constrict (because of arousal), trapping
blood in the cock and causing it to swell and prolonging erection. They're
often used as an aid to impotence, or simply to prolong and increase the
pleasure of an erection. Some are made of leather, with adjustable snaps,
so you can tighten or loosen them to fit . Some are made of rubber. Some
are even made of metal, but metal ones can be risky because a too-small
one can become immoveable as your limp cock becomes erect and too 'big'
for the cock-ring. Some cock rings have multiple rings, for behind the
balls, around the balls themselves, and around the base of the shaft. See
also The Gates of
Hell |
| Collar
(Collaring) |
 A
collar in physical appearance is usually like a dog-collar, made of leather
or a chain, and worn around the neck (although some favour a symbolic thin
gold chain for everyday wear). The conventional collar may be used as a
prop in BDSM 'play' to denote a negotiated submission but it can
also have a much deeper and more permanent meaning than that. In
some D/s relationships
a collar is the outward symbol of a deep commitment, signifying that the
submissive is owned by a particular dominant. A 'collaring' is the ceremony
in which a submissive formally accepts the dominant's "collar" and becomes
"officially" owned. It is the BDSM equivalent of a wedding, and may be
witnessed by friends and others in the lifestyle. In the same way as a
wedding ring is the visible sign of one kind of highly committed and exclusive
relationship, so a collar can signify at least an equal degree of commitment
between some dominants and their submissives. 'Collaring' someone can therefore
be a serious step in a relationship and shouldn't be taken lightly. It
involves the dominant in accepting responsibility for the 'owned' person,
and the submissive in giving absolute submission and loyalty to the dominant.
Any 'dominant' who 'collars' someone he barely knows because he thinks
its 'cool' to have a slave hasn't a clue about the significance of what
he's doing and should be avoided like the plague. Any submissive who accepts
a collar lightly and then betrays or knowingly dishonours her master by
her behaviour really isn't worth much as a submissive. It all depends if
you believe in it. If you do, then collaring is very important. If you
don't, then its just one of the many props of an exciting 'dressing up
to play BDSM' game. |
| Contract
( Slave Contract ) |
 An
agreement which formally sets out the roles, responsibilities and limits
of a Domination/submission relationship, sometimes called a slave or ownership
contract. There are mixed views on the value of these contracts. Those
who like them suggest that they are useful because they force parties to
think carefully about what they are prepared to put into a relationship
and what they expect out of it. For some this process provides a welcome
sense of clarity as well as security. It can aso create a feeling of commitment
and help to avoid potential points of conflict later on. Those who dislike
the idea of such contracts argue that they are ultimately worthless. The
basic concept fails because, unlike the legal contracts upon which they
are modelled, slave contracts are totally unenforceable. Ultimately, a
master will keep his slave, or a slave will agree to be owned, for as long
as either chooses and there is no way of preventing either simply walking
away from any contract whenever they feel like it. Some would argue that
the only thing strong enough to really bind a Master and slave together
is love because it is the only thing which has the power to keep you tied
to another person when convenience or common-sense tells you to leave.
If a contract feels right for you then it probably is, but don't rely on
it too much. It is certainly no substitute for the communication between
dominant and submissive that is essential both before and during any committed
D/s relationship. |
| Counting
strokes |
 'One
Sir' ..'Two Sir' .. 'Thank You Sir' .. 'May I have another Sir'. A ritualized
counting of the strokes of a caning, with the recipient sometimes being
required to thank the dominant after each stroke. If the submissive miscounts
a stroke or remains silent, then the stroke may be repeated. As a custom,
it has its roots back in the formalised canings once carried out in English
public schools and was intended to assert the dominance of the caner and
to humiliate the person on the receiving end by making them complicit in
their own punishment. Of course if you're a committed masochist then you're
not going to pass up the chance to get the count wrong, are you ? |
| Cross-dressing |
 Dressing
in the clothes of the opposite gender is a particular fetish. For most
of the latter-half of the 20th century its been perfectly acceptable for
women to dress in masculine clothes, but its always been considered oddly
shameful for men to dress in womens clothes . There have however been puzzling
exceptions. A big butch chap wearing a frilly pink skirt would have always
caused eye-brows to be raised in polite circles, but the same fellow wearing
a kilt and muttering in an incomprehensible Scottish accent would have
been considered quite manly. Go figure ! Great cross-dressers of recent
history include Marlene Dietrich the film star and, allegedly, Edgar J
Hoover, head of the FBI, scourge of so-called 'communists' and would-be
tough-guy. See also Transvestite
and
Transsexual |
| Cruxifiction |
Cutting |
 As
the term is normally used in BDSM, it refers to a kind of bondage where
the submissive is tied to a cross. Care needs to be taken to make sure
that the weight is supported evenly and that the submissive can breathe
properly. More rarely, hard-core devotees go further and actually have
themselves nailed to a cross just like the romans used to do, but you really
don't need me to tell you that this is risky and not good for your health. |
 Generally
means slicing the skin with a sharp implement (knife or scalpel) so that
blood is shed (see bloodsports).
Best avoided, but if you're turned on by the risky nature of this type
of play, the sting of the blade as it slices flesh, the spilling of blood,
then you also need to have a good understanding of human anatomy
so you don't slice into an artery and kill yourself by accident and also
of sterilisation so that you don't create a nasty infection. |
|
| Cuffs
or cuffing |
 Cuffs
can be made out of leather, cloth or metal and are designed to restrain
the wrists or ankles. Bare metal handcuffs
can
easily be shut too tight and impair circulation as well as causing chafing.The
better leather or synthetic cuffs generally have some form of fur or sheepskin
padding inside. The quality of the cuffs available commercially is hugely
variable, and so its worth buying from someone who understands the uses
to which cuffs might be put and is able to offer suitable products.
For example, using cuffs as a playful symbolic restraint is quite different
from using cuffs to bear a persons suspended weight. Make sure the leather
or fabric is cleanly cut with no sharp edges, and preferably lined to reduce
the risk of chafing, with strong, secure fastenings of smooth metal (no
sharp edges) or velcro. |
| Cybersex
( online sex, virtual sex, virtual sceneing ) |
 A
wild new sexual frontier or the last resort of the unlovely and unloved
? Cybersex refers to 'sexual' encounters that take place with other people
in 'cyberspace' via a computer. Some call it 'sex between minds'.
Some call it a bunch of sad old wankers. Internet Relay Chat (IRC)
has traditionally been the medium of choice, but more recently there has
been an explosion of instant messaging (IM) services and even webcams which
add a new dimension to this growth-area of social activity. In simple
terms, IRC is a means of conversing in 'real-time' via your computer
keyboard and screen with someone else on the internet. It has the immediacy
of any 'real-life' conversation but, if desired, an even greater anonymity
than email. You can either talk to people direct, person-to person in a
private conversation not visible to others, or you can join a chat-room
(or channel) to talk. A chat room is like a public room with a lot of people
in and you can see all of their conversations on your screen and join in
yourself if you want. There are literally thousands of online chat rooms
that you can use, catering for every kind of interest group under
the sun. Many of them relate simply to hobbies or other interests but some
are devoted to cybersex. In some BDSM chat-rooms 'sceneing'
or cybersex is either permitted or encouraged. What happens, in effect,
is that two or more people will construct a shared sexual fantasy, describing
how they feel and what they are 'doing' to each other. A bit like an inter-active
story. Many people regard cybersex as harmless fantasy because they say
its not happening in the 'real world'. Well, thats debatable. There are
certainly real people involved. They can become physically aroused
through cybersex. They can form deep and lasting relationships. They can
fall in love. They can get hurt. They can break each others hearts. They
can change their lives for better or worse. All without ever physically
meeting. So where do you draw the line between 'fantasy' and 'reality'
? Its not as clear cut as you might think and thats what gets some people
so confused. Lets say that you become devoted to a man who creates D/s
scenes with you online that are powerful and sexually exciting. Does that
mean he actually has a clue what he's talking about when it comes to the
bondage or whipping that excites you so much ? Not necessarily and
in fact not even very likely. All you can really say for sure is that he
is imaginative and can type, nothing more. Does that matter ? Not at all
unless you ever plan to go from 'cybersex' to a 'real-life' situation where
he will actually try to do any of those things to you. Then it could hurt
you. Or lets say that you 'explore your sexuality' in cyberspace by giving
your submission to a whole succession of men in one-night stands or intense
romantic relationships. Then one day you meet, either online or in 'real-life',
the real love of your life. Will he think the submission you've given away
was just a harmless fantasy or the loss of something irreplaceable ?
There are no absolute answers, but be very careful with cybersex because
its more powerful and complex than you might think at first glance. If
you ever do manage to work out where the line between 'fantasy' and 'reality'
lies, let me know because I'm still trying to work it out. |
