| BDSM |
 Simply
an all-inclusive term which brings together the distinct but related activities
of Bondage and Discipline (BD), Dominance and Submission (D/s), and Sado-Masochism
(SM). Clearly not everyone who might describe themselves as being interested
in BDSM would enjoy all of these activities and theres no reason why they
should. Its not a competition to see who can be the most depraved or do
the most bizarre things. Its about finding what fulfils you, intellectually,
emotionally and sexually, and then being free to enjoy it. We all have
our own special kinks, preferences, and limits. As long as its consensual
and between adults, then its all OK and we're all equal within BDSM. |
| Bestiality |
 Absolutely
nothing to do with BDSM, and I mention it only because there's sometimes
a confusion between this and Animal Play, which is
a horse of an entirely different colour if you'll pardon the expression.
Animal Play is about adults consensually adopting the roles of animals
as part of sex-play, for example playing at being a 'puppy' or a 'pony'.
Bestiality is actual sexual intercourse between a person and an animal.
Hard to understand the attraction myself, because although I've woken up
with a few dogs in my time I've never had a meaningful relationship with
a chicken (joke). Bestiality is one of the definite no-no's on the internet,
being illegal in many countries, and access to material of this kind can
usually only be had through sites operating outside of the law or outside
of the USA. Either way, its best to avoid it. |
| Blindfolds |
 Blindfolding
someone, as torturers and interrogaters through the ages have known, is
a surefire way to make them feel vulnerable and helpless. It also tends
to de-personalise them, which is less helpful from a BDSM point-of-view.
Without the normal visual input the other senses, such as touch and hearing,
focus more sharply. Because of the shape of the human face the traditional
blindfold of a length of cloth wound around the head is unlikely to totally
block vision. For that you need either soft opaque pads over each eye
held in place by the blindfold, or a purpose made blindfold that
conforms to the contours of the face. Darkness is fertile ground for the
imagination and being blindfolded can have strange effects on people.
Some get quite dreamy while others may panic. Blindfolds are ideal for
playing edgey 'mind-games', where you bluff the submissive into thinking
something extreme is happening (see mind-games).
Its stating the obvious, but be careful moving a blindfolded submissive
in case she trips or bumps into something. Less obvious is the fact that
one of your main ways of getting feedback is denied to you because you
can't see her eyes. There was once a sub (who shall remain nameless) who
was always quite shy about nudity until she was blindfolded, after which
she became quite the exhibitionist. The darkness made her feel somehow
anonymous and invisible. If she couldn't see anyone, then she wasn't worried
about them seeing her. The logic was (and still is) beyond me, but blindfolds
are definitely fun. |
| Bloodsports |
 Any
BDSM activities which break the skin and result in blood being shed. It
could, for example, be cutting with a knife or razor, a hard whipping or
caning, branding or piercing. A few Goths who dabble on the fringes of
BDSM are heavily into the 'vampire' thing and see themselves as blood-suckers.
Dracula never had to contend with AIDS though, so always take care when
theres blood around and take sensible steps to avoid wounds getting infected.
Use rubbing alcohol to clean off the surface of the skin, followed by a
good disinfectant on the skin area that is going to be cut. Given the risks
of transmitting disease through blood, its sensible if the cutter wears
surgical gloves to minimize contact with their partner's blood (just like
your dentist probably does these days for the same reason). Use a very
sharp instrument, like a surgical scalpel or a very sharp knife because
dull blades risk making a ragged cut which heals badly. Do not cut on 'tight'
areas of the skin (knee or elbow for example) where the wound will pull
apart later. Don't cut anywhere near arteries (and don't even think of
this kind of play if you don't know where they are). Cut lightly, only
the very top layer of skin, because deeper cuts don't heal well. The cut
needs to be protected (bandage or suitable covering) afterwards to prevent
infection. |
| Body
Fluid Monogamy |
| Not specifially to do with
BDSM but following on from the previous note on 'blood-sports' and the
dangers of AIDS. Promiscuity isn't the sole preserve of BDSM and there
is as much casual sex going on behind chintz curtains in leafy suburbia
as there is at S&M parties. In either case, both partners in a steady
relationship might sensibly decide to share body fluids only with each
other to avoid the risks of AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases,
and only have sex outside of the relationship by practicing strict safe
sex (see also safe sex ) |
| Body
Modification |
 |
A
term used to include piercing, tattooing,
and other practices which decorate or change the body for erotic or fetish
purposes. Many webmasters and cyber-surfers who spend too much time online
get big, fat asses of course, but I'm not sure if we could include that
in our definition of body modification. Both tattooing and piercing, which
previously were very much 'alternative lifestyle' pursuits, have now crossed
over into the mainstream to the extent that husky footballers wear earrings,
schoolgirls sport studs in the most unlikely places, and butch rugby players
swap tips on nipple piercing. |
 |
|
| Bondage |
 Shakespeare
said ..'To be or knot to be, that is the question'...so maybe he was into
bondage too. Or maybe I'm just being silly. Anyway, bondage is all about
being rendered helpless by restraints. For many people, the knowledge that
they are powerless, that someone else can do things with their body and
they can't prevent them, is a powerful turn-on. For others, the physical
sensation of bondage feels erotic. Tight constriction can create very intense
stimulation. Its also a chance to struggle, to let your body lose
control and get rid of all of your tensions. It can take the form of elaborate
roping with complicated knots that would do credit to a boy-scout jamboree,
leather straps, handcuffs,
spreader bars, or soft
silky scarves tied around the hands and feet. The way you can be restrained
like this and rendered helpless is limited only by the imagination of the
person doing the tying-up. Blindfolding and gagging
are
often used with the bondage to increase the feeling of helplessness. Great
fun and a powerful experience, but be careful. Don't leave anyone who is
tied up and gagged unsupervised. They might choke. Be careful the restraints
aren't too tight. You can cut off the circulation and do a lot of harm.
Be very careful about tying anything around the neck because pressure on
the carotid arteries can lead to unconsciousness quickly. Likewise be careful
with gags or things tied in the mouth because as well as restricting breathing
they can trigger a gag reflex, which could be really unpleasant and dangerous
if the submissive can't get the gag out. As with other activities in BDSM,
always watch your partners reactions and be sensitive to them, adjusting
what you're doing accordingly. Tie silk scarves, bandannas, etc.
loosely because they have a tendancy to tighten under tension or when the
submissive struggles and if you're not careful they can become so tight
they have to be cut off. You might want to try a pair of basic ankle and
wrist cuffs (in leather, velcro, or whatever) which you can purchase at
any good adult toy store. Buy from a reputable
place because shoddy cuffs are liable to break while being worn and then
you have to file them off or send for the fire-brigade. If you want to
play with handcuffs, get a good quality pair with a double lock so you
can snap them on and lock them in position so they won't get tighter
under pressure (as cheap cuffs will). Handcuffs of course are bare metal
and struggling against them can easily pinch nerves and cause chafing.
Proper padded, buckled, bondage cuffs are much better for erotic games.
See also Japanese Bondage , Mind
Bondage, and Verbal Bondage |
| Boot
Boy |
| A
submissive (usually gay) male who has a fetish for leather boots worn by
tops,
and who frequently works at a leather bar or charitable event shining shoes.
The conclusion to the shoe-shining may be oral service to the boots. |
| Bottom |
 No
! Not that kind of bottom ! In BDSM, a 'bottom' is the person who has it
done to them, and the 'top' is the person who does
it. I've come across these expressions used most often and confusingly
in the context of spankings (eg a 'top' will spank
a 'bottom', usually on the ..ummm .. bottom ). The term 'bottom'
however also includes anyone who is on the receiving end of other BDSM
activities like bondage, corporal punishment etc. The words are sometimes
used as verbs (to 'top' someone, or to 'bottom').
In essence the 'bottom' and the 'top' are just roles
that people play in BDSM, giving and receiving pain or sensation, without
there being a power-exchange, as there would be for
example between a submissive and a dominant |
| Bottom
Space |
| See the note on
Endorphins |
| Boundaries |
 Also
called 'limits'. These are the lines that people dont
wish, or aren't prepared, to cross. If you read any BDSM personal ads you'll
often see the person placing the ad saying something like 'my limits include
no children, no animals, no bloodsports', so what they're saying is that
in any relationship they won't take part in anything involving those stated
limits. Whenever you're going to 'play' (engage in a sexual or emotional
exchange) with a new partner its very sensible to be clear about what the
'boundaries' or 'limits' are so that you don't get a nasty shock when he
tries to screw you with an ardvark. Dominants and
submissives entering into a longer term D/s
relationship are always wise to discuss up-front what they expect and what
their limits (if any) are. |
| Boy |
| This
is a term sometimes used for male submissives, which has a special meaning
in gay leather culture where it may also refer to the submissive partner
in a Daddy/boy relationship. The word is also used in lesbian culture to
denote a male-identified (but biologically female) bottom. |
| Brat |
 You
either love them or hate them ! A submissive or bottom who loves to resist
and test the patience of the 'tops' or 'dominants'. Sometimes its a wish
to be 'tamed' and forced into submission. Sometimes its just exuberance
and high spirits. Sometimes its a way of seeking attention. Sometimes its
just a total bore. Spanking chat-rooms are full of brats of all ages, slapping
each other around with wet fish and throwing cream-pies at the Doms. Being
a brat generally involves role-play, with the 'brat' acting like a spoiled
and wilful child. Depending on your mood and own inclinations, a brat can
either be a whole lot of fun or a right royal pain in the ass. Fine between
people who enjoy it, but its always rude to inflict brattiness on strangers
or people who think its a yawn. |
| Breast
Bondage |
 Erotic
play that involves binding the breasts tightly. Generally it involves restraints
(rope, rubber etc) which encircle each breast tightly where it joins the
chest. The breasts and nipples become engorged with blood and exquisitely
sensitive to the slightest touch. Stroking, clamping, or whipping can cause
intense pain and pleasure. Bound breasts are more likely to bruise if slapped
or whipped. I've been told by lovers of this form of bondage that when
the constricting binding is eventually released the rush of blood caused
by the returning circulation can sometimes be intense enough to trigger
an orgasm in susceptible submissives. |
| Breath
Control |
 Interfering
with a persons ability to breathe is a technique often used by genuine
torturers. Here though we're talking about something a little more benign.
In breath control the dominant partner controls the
breathing of the submissive. This can be done most easily when the submissive
is bound or restrained. It can involve pinching the nostrils or using other
apparatus or materials to cover the mouth or nose. Some get a buzz out
of the risk. It's a scary experience because its saying that the
dominant , at that point, has the power of life or death over the submissive.
Its certainly not something you ever do in a non-consensual way, and even
then you need to be careful. See also Asphyxiation Play
and Auto-Erotic Strangulation |
| Branding |
 Burning
the skin with heated metal produces scarification in a design or pattern.
Its is sometimes used as decoration or to signify ownership, as when a
'master' will brand his 'slave' to denote that she is his property. I probably
don't need to tell you that, while this might sound romantic, its dangerous
and quite a rare practice. A heated iron can penetrate skin like a hot
knife going through butter and damage internal organs. You can seriously
hurt or injure someone doing this if you don't know what you're doing. |
| Bullwhips |
 A
bullwhip is one of the most dramatic implements available for BDSM play
and can create intense psychological theatre. Just the noise it makes,
the hiss and crack, are enough to make a submissives blood run cold. The
main thing to say is that bullwhips in inexperienced hands are extremely
dangerous. A typical bullwhip has a relatively short, rigid handle and
a long flexible leather thong of varying lengths ranging anywhere from
about 4 - 6 feet. The longer the whip is, the harder it is to control.
Used with skill, a bullwhip can be an instrument of amazing precision.
It can cut paper, snuff out a candle, or sting the skin like an angry
bee. Used recklessly by a novice it can cut skin to the bone or put out
someones eye. People can be (and historically were) whipped to death.
The bullwhip isn't something you see used very often in BDSM play, so
if you ever do come across it then enjoy the rare sight if the user is
skilled or run for the door if he isn't ! |
| Butt
Plugs |
 The
anus (ass-hole) is rich in nerve endings and many women as well as men
find anal play as arousing as genital stimulation. Butt plugs are inserted
into the anus and stretch the tight ring of anal muscle (the sphincter).
By doing so they can, if used over time and with gradually increasing
widths, prepare the anus for more adventurous or easier anal play.
Alternatively, the sensation of being 'filled' may simply be enjoyed as
an end in itself. Beginners should start slowly, relax, clean anything
thats been inserted into the anus well, do not use a toy in the anus and
then the vagina before cleaning it thoroughly, and use a lot of lubrication.
Plugs usually get much smaller right at the base and then flare out again,
giving your anal sphincter something to hold onto. These flared
shaped plugs are designed so you can wear them and leave them inside yourself
without danger of them slipping in. Butt plugs should be smooth to avoid
scratching your tender inner walls. Best not to leave butt plugs inside
for long periods of time, because they can cause irritation. |
